She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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