he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
