drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
