It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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