Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
