Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize