yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
