Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
