I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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