just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
