My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize