So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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