i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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