May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
