TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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