would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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