shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
