I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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