ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
