I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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