He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
