using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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