I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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