I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
