meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
