so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
