Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
