Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
