I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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