She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
