just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
