Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
