i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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