I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
