Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This is my life. Enjoy the view
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
