i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
