I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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