i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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