I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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