i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
