I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize