My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
