I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
