im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
