i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
