WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
