I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
