Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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