Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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