matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
