Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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