it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
