whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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