ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
and you fell through a lawn chair
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
