why didn't you poke me back
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
