"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My vagina is officially offended.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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