are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
