All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
