hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
