I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
