I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
FUCK WHALES
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
