I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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