Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
