Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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