my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
