She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize