i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
