I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
