Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
