Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
