low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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