Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
