Your dad touched me again.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
