When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
