Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
