Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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